'Why am I here?' Duo wondered miserably, lowering his chin to rest on his folded arms as he knelt beside the balcony. He tipped his head skyward, longing for the stars and finding none. The storm earlier in the day had washed them away, leaving nothing but a field of blue with shades of midnight and navy and even the smallest hint of pale blue. His eyes traced the dark outline of clouds still lingering, their silvery tinge accentuated by the swollen moon peeking out from their shield. He felt like that moon, swallowed by a sea of people and things that didn't understand him, life passing him by in much the same way those clouds rolled across the sky.

Life, *his* life, lay just behind him, muffled by the closed French doors but demanding attention nonetheless. A life full of one meaningless encounter after another. A life of being protected and coddled and watched over by his anxious cousin. A life full of whispers behind his back and pitying stares that burned almost as much as the scotch he'd thrown down his throat earlier just to get through this evening.

Relena meant well. He knew that. She just didn't understand that all her efforts to 'cheer him up' were a waste of time and money. You can't cheer up the dead and he was as close to a dead man walking as you were likely to see. Relena wouldn't accept that. No, not his cousin. She thought that by throwing a little money around, bussing him from party to party, and keeping twenty-four hour surveillance on him, she was going to resuscitate the heart he no longer wanted. All he wanted was to sleep, just to let go of everything and close his eyes. He'd tried that once, tried to slit his wrists in the bathtub. He might have succeeded, too, had not that damn manservant of hers walked in to bring him a towel. Well, that little stunt had earned him an overnight stay in the hospital's psychiatric ward and weekly appointments with a shrink. To make matters worse, Relena had camped out by his bedside for nearly a month, making him swear that he would never try to take his life again before she gave him any peace. He grimaced. It had been a low trick of her to play; she knew that once he gave his word, it was binding. If there was one thing that Duo Maxwell did not do it was break a promise. Or tell a lie. 'Trapped by my own morals,' Duo shook his head. 'I'm such a fucking weakling. I should have told Relena to go to hell and take her damned caring with her'. What kind of world was it when a man was forced to continue an existence that had become unbearable? He had killed the two people he loved most in this world. What more was there to say? He had taken that which he'd had no right to take and the burden of guilt was bearing down on him.

An accident, they said. Terrible, the whispers behind fake smiles continued. So tragic. They really were the best of people. Salt of the earth. He was behind the wheel... Yes... He just couldn't swerve fast enough to avoid the other car... It just couldn't be helped, the poor dear.

How he loathed those whispers, those catty expressions of sympathy even as they devoured his story, picking the bones clean in their excitement for new tidbits. He couldn't blame them. He was the nephew of one of the richest men in New York, cousin to a well-known society belle, and the black sheep of the prestigious Peacecraft family. His mother had already scandalized the scene twenty years earlier by running off with a priest, specifically, the family's priest. His uncle had given chase, but not before Helen Peacecraft had gotten herself pregnant and the priest defrocked. The only bright spot in the whole mess was the fact that once Liam Maxwell had been defrocked, he had been able to marry Helen, lending a respectable patina to the whole damn mess and making his son legitimate.

The damage had already been done though. It had taken five years before his uncle would even talk to his mother and his grandfather had never reopened those communications, saying that he wanted nothing to do with "that damned whore and her fuck toy. Or their bastard." Duo shuddered, remembering the grim, glaring man from his one and only meeting. He'd been all of four at the time and the sound of voices raised in ugly shouting had stayed with him for a long time afterward.

Therefore, it was somewhat ironic to him to find that the Peacecraft family was so staunchly behind him in his 'time of need.'

A shadow flickered in the corner of his eye, moving so swiftly that he couldn't help but turn his head. What he was expecting was a passing flicker of light, caused perhaps by a cloud drifting over the moon. Maybe even some small insect fluttering just past his face. What he wasn't expecting was the wiry body leaning over him, so close that he should have felt the warmth coming from the other's body. Should have, but didn't. Just like he hadn't heard the person approach.

"Who?" Duo skittered until his back met the edge of the railing, his knees raised protectively.

The person took another step, this time into more lighting. Wild, messy hair framed one of the coldest faces he'd ever seen. Every feature could have been carved out of stone for all the warmth it betrayed. A pair of eyes glittered at him like a pair of gems rendered colorless in the moonlight. And yet, the face even with all of its coldness held a beauty like nothing that Duo had ever known before. It was an ageless beauty, a beauty that defied words. The boy had the face of a god or at the very least, a demigod, touching something deep and buried within him that made him swallow reflexively and lick his throat.

"Who?" he repeated the question, his throat suddenly dry.

"Who do you want me to be?" The voice was dry and melodical at the same time. The gemstone eyes weighed him and measured him, stripping his soul bare and pulling at that deep and buried thing inside of him. Eyes too old to belong to a face that young, eyes that spoke of a hidden darkness that few could acknowledge. But Duo did acknowledge it, he did recognize it. Duo had been there, had seen and touched and tasted that darkness, however brief.

Perhaps that why it called to him now. Faintly and softly, tugging at the dark, twisty beast that lay dormant inside of everyone.

"I...I don't know."

The boy tilted his head to the side, those ancient eyes alight with a strange sense of knowing and purpose. "Don't you?"

He slid down beside Duo, smooth as liquid and twice as fast, his face just inches from the braided boy's. Those dark eyes filled Duo's vision, pulling him in and killing all sense of fear or awareness of anything beyond them. His breathing sounded loud to his own ears, his blood slowing to a trickle as time seemed to still.

"You called me," the boy caressed his cheek. Duo fought the urge to lean into that caress. His body, suddenly heavy and sluggish, wouldn't have obeyed at any rate. "Your pain. Your wish to die. I heard it. It filled my dreams. I had to find you. You wanted me to find you, didn't you?"

Duo found himself nodding. Yes, this was what he wanted. He wanted the promise of passage he glimpsed in those hard-cut eyes, the promise of pain eased. He wanted... He wanted...

The boy pressed closer, his knee sliding between Duo's legs as he captured his mouth. Duo moaned, his body arching upward into that touch, letting the other steal the breath from his body. 'Yes,' Duo thought, his lungs beginning to burn from the lack of oxygen, vision graying on the edges. This was what he wanted.

Wasn't it?

Whatever he wanted, it wasn't for the boy to pull away. He whimpered without thought or hesitation, even as he felt those cold, cold lips track a path across his skin, moving down his jaw. An icy hand slipped into his shirt, teasing his nipple as it slid up to push the collar of his shirt to the side. Those demanding kisses followed, leaving him mewling as the other boy made his way slowly towards the junction of his neck. A tongue brushed and tickled the sensitive nerves there before being replaced by the hard crush of a mouth...then teeth..

Duo's eyes widened as he felt those teeth tease then clamp down on the barrier of flesh, breaking past as if his skin were no more than cobwebs. There was a strong pull from the other's mouth, pulling at Duo, pulling away from his body and to the other boy. Dimly, he became aware of the drop of warm liquid against his skin, the scent of blood filling the air, and the sound of a tongue lapping. "Oh, God," he whispered, staring upward, watching as the moon seemed to expand in his vision, beckoning him to join it.

"I...was...wrong," he whispered. "The stars are out. Can ...see them. Beautiful."

There was no reply from his companion, just a tightening of the hold he had on Duo. Managing to lift his arms, Duo pulled him closer, letting his fingers weakly slide through that impossibly soft dark hair. He was beautiful, too, this strange creature cloaked in shadow and death. As cold and distant as those stars Duo had always loved.

Right now, however, those stars did not seem so far or so distant. It seemed to Duo that the stars were falling down on him or perhaps it was he who was rising to them. Yes, that was it. He was floating higher and higher, rising upwards to touch the stars. They twinkled and sparkled, calling to him, laughing and whispering his name over and over and over again.

So close, so touchable...

Duo tried to raise his arm, tried to touch the stars that twinkled just beyond his reach and awe became sadness as he realized the stars remained beyond his reach. His arm could not rise high enough and he could not get close enough to them. Even now, even at this moment, when Death's dark angel held him in his cold embrace, those stars continued to tease and elude him.

At his darkest hour, even the stars remained out of reach.

His chest was burning in a different way now, a pain that had nothing to do with the creature holding him, seeped into his bones. His eyes burned, spilling over with tears unshed, tears he had never been able to cry before now, tears he had sworn never to cry. They scalded his skin, grounded him in a reality that he had never wanted but was all he had.

It took him a moment to realize that rhythmic pull against him had stopped. That dark, wind-tousled head lifted, revealing a pair of startled glaringly blue eyes and a red smeared mouth. Red. Blood. His blood. Duo felt none of the fear he should have felt at the revelation. Instead, his tears seemed to flow harder than before. He was dying and there was no hope, no hope of anything bright and shining beyond this place. His mother... His father... Was this dark bloody angel what they had seen in those last moments before the crash had claimed them?

A cool touch traced the line of his cheek, threading the dampness between those strong fingertips. "Tears?" The other boy sounded absolutely astonished. As if he had never witnessed anything like this before. "You--you're crying!"

"So-sorry," Duo stuttered although he didn't understand why the other boy seemed so troubled. There was no reason to cause him pain when Duo carried enough for both of them. "I-I'm so-"

The other boy shook his head, his body slumping as he cradled Duo against his chest, burying his face in his loose hair. The moon peeked out from the screening clouds, throwing slivers of light down on the balcony. Duo let his head fall back, forcing his eyes to focus, more out of curiosity than anything else. He wasn't disappointed. The boy was as beautiful as he'd initially thought, but that beauty had been tempered. There was a very human sorrow and anger that marred the coldness as if the stone had cracked and found itself alive. Brown hair hid the blue of his eyes and not even the lifting of the wind could find them again. His skin was a pale gold, the gold of dying leaves in autumn. The coldness he'd felt earlier in that touch had been banished, replaced by a muted warmth that seemed to flow out of him into Duo's bones. He mewled, burrowing deeper into that warmth. He was so cold now. When had it gotten so cold? His teeth chattered just a bit, shivering with each breath of air. The arms around him tightened and seemed to wrap around him. That was good. 'So good,' Duo thought, sleep burdening his aching eyes. He yawned. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake. He wanted to sleep... 'So tired,' he thought.

"Then sleep," his companion murmured. "You're not going to die, Duo. I won't let you. Not now."

Two things occurred to Duo before he gave into the instinctual crash of his body. One was that he didn't remember telling the other boy his name. And the other was the press of soft lips against his, the farewell kind of kiss that you saw in old movies.

Whose farewell it was remained to be seen.

***

The vampire stared down at the slumbering boy in his arms, throwing a vicious epithet into the night. ' How could have been so stupid, so careless? All those years of being careful and you still manage to screw up,' he thought bitterly.

It was his vow that he would not take one who clung to life, the only exception to that being the criminal vermin he feasted on from time to time. He would not rip another's life from them as he'd had his ripped away. That was why he sought out those who were already dead, those who had lost hope, and who wanted respite from the weight of their lives. He thought he had found that in this boy. His pain was so sharp and fresh, his despair so exquisite and like none he'd ever known. Even now the taste of it was sweet on his lips...

No, that wasn't right. What was sweet was the taste of fresh, untainted blood. For all his hurt, for all his despair, this boy wasn't ready to go. Even if he was unaware of it. The vampire had almost missed it in his frenzied feeding. If the boy hadn't cried...

"Damn," he swore, getting angrier with himself by the second. "God damn it!"

'Well, that's the point isn't it?' his mind whispered. 'You've been damned and this incident has just proven that all over again.'

The sounds of the party going on inside drew him out of his condemnation. He had to get out of here, before someone saw. Not that they'd believe it was a vampire, mind you but the general ruckus could be...a problem. He glanced back down at the boy, Duo was the name he'd gleaned from his thoughts during the feeding, reluctant to surrender his charge for fear he might die yet. 'If he does, then that's his fate,' he decided at last. 'You don't have time to waste. Put him down and get out here. Now.'

With as much gentleness as he could muster, he stretched the boy out across the concrete floor, wishing he had something to cover him with. The boy whimpered, curling in on himself. Pausing, vampire ran a hand through his soft hair, a frown of worry marring his smooth features. The boy was too beautiful for his own good. If he wasn't careful, that beauty was going to get him noticed by the wrong people. His kind craved and coveted beauty and if those damned magpies got their hands on this one... 'Not your concern,' he ordered himself to rise to his feet. Let him find his own fate.

He clambered up the edge of the balcony, half-sitting, half-crouching as he cast one last glance at his victim. 'Duo Maxwell,' he mused. The name would stay with him as would the face, as a warning of what he should not do, and as a dream. A dream of things he could no longer have, nor had any right to. Heero Yuy might have had this boy, might have stayed, but Heero Yuy was dead and the creature that had taken his place had no place among the living.

Not even the tears of angels could change that.

***end of part 1